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Capricorn
: Love
| Work
| Health
| Personality
| Money
| Sexuality |
Capricorns
are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always
on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They
are often good at math which explains why they are such pains
in the ass. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a
crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen
Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above
and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of
obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't
overcome being a Capricorn.
Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is
always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need
so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like
a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that
this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it
means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep
their egos in the backyard. In the event of nuclear war, only
cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The
rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that.
The nation's cockeyed system of toll roads was probably
designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the
public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of
law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes.
Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe,
philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See
comments about Descartes and Hawking above). Capricorns own
lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they
do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones.
These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns
don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style
in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most
of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns.
Date of Birth: 22 DECEMBER - 20
JANUARY
Your ruling planet: Saturn
Your lucky numbers: 6, 8
Day of the week: Saturday
Gemstones: Amber
Colours: Yellow
Metals: Lead
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