|
You like to
know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy.
However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own.
If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only
get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can
only be described as "erratic." You are more likely
than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not
iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched
between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch
one pair of underwear out for almost a month.
Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain
indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be
everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams
often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation.
A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the
draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk
to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born
with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for
buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if
they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never
excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes
every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to
conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed.
You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of
Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol
in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you
often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think
someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most
entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive
to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe
philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that
George W. Bush is a Cancer.
Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even
though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor
or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the
fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given
time. This is why they are never invited to parties.
Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this
is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always
appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These
friends are usually Pisceans.
Date of
Birth: 22 JUNE - 22 JULY
Your ruling planet: Moon
Your lucky numbers: 4, 6
Day of the week: Monday
Gemstones: Pearl
Colours: White
Metals: Silver
|
