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Everywhere
you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you
were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea
of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in
"The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean
women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual
silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars,
but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If
they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were
wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You
have no sense of direction. The people you find going in
reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans.
Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or
getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they
live with a Cancer. Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually
endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a
Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you
by kicking your ass and the asses of your four imaginary
friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field
of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical
greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that
Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein,
none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't
tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want
"honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit
hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it.
Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living
about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their
tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth
Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter
what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical
concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're
talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road
but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like.
Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one
thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and
do whatever the hell they want.
Date of
Birth: 20 FEBRUARY - 20 MARCH
Your ruling planet: Neptune
Your lucky numbers: 1, 4
Day of the week: Tuesday
Gemstones: Aquamarine
Colours: Green
Metals: Tin
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